im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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