Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
