Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
