i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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