he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
