I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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