I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
