I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He has the fingertips of a God
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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