I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
