dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
