i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
