I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
