how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No...this little piggys going to the bar
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Randomize
