well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
