It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
