No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
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Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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