You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
