we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
