she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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