Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
