it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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