thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
