i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
