he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
