I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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