Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
