This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
