I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
