She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
