u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
barbara walters just said penis...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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