I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
