There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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