HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
