friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
