now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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