accomplished twins. life is a go
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
