I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
