haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
