Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
