you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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