Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
