im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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