its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
