Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
