Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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