Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.