Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
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Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
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Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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