We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.