I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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