his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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