Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
