My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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