He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
