Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
