wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
