i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
