i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
