BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
