i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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