Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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