i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
