Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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