i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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