please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
